Realistic estrangement and parental alienation are two distinct phenomena that can occur in family relationships, particularly between parents and children. While both may result in a breakdown of the parent-child relationship, the causes and dynamics behind each are quite different.
In this blog, we explain the key differences in how estrangement and alienation present themselves. We also highlight how each can impact custody cases.
Understanding Realistic Estrangement & Alienation
Realistic estrangement refers to a situation where a child distances themselves from a parent due to legitimate reasons, such as:
- abuse,
- neglect, or
- persistent toxic behavior.
In these cases, the estrangement is a protective measure taken by the child (or adult child) in response to genuine harmful actions or patterns exhibited by the parent. The decision to limit or cut off contact is typically made by the children themselves, based on their own experiences and observations of the parent's behavior over time.
On the other hand, parental alienation occurs when one parent deliberately attempts to damage or destroy the relationship between the child and the other parent, usually in the context of a high-conflict separation or divorce. This process involves manipulative tactics such as:
- Badmouthing the other parent
- Limiting or controlling contact between the parent and child
- Fabricating abuse allegations
- Sharing personal information about the divorce or the other parent’s actions
- Interfering with arranged custody or visitation time
In parental alienation, the child's negative feelings towards the targeted parent are not based on their own experiences but rather on the influential parent's campaign to turn the child against the other parent. The key difference is that in parental alienation, the child's rejection of a parent is primarily driven by the actions and influence of the alienating parent rather than by the targeted parent's own behavior.
How the Court Views Realistic Estrangement & Alienation
Both realistic estrangement and alienation can significantly impact custody matters, potentially leading to modifications of existing custody orders or influencing initial custody determinations. In cases where either phenomenon is present, courts may reassess the current arrangement to ensure it serves the child's best interests.
For instance, if parental alienation is proven, the court might consider altering custody to protect the child's relationship with the alienated parent. Similarly, in cases of realistic estrangement due to abuse or neglect, the court may modify custody to prioritize the child's safety and well-being.
Parental Alienation & Its Impact on Custody
Courts generally view parental alienation as a serious concern, often interpreting it as a parent's unwillingness to foster a healthy relationship between the child and the other parent and allow parenting time, which are also factors in custody determinations in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
It is also worth noting that when a parent engages in alienating behaviors, it may be seen as detrimental to the child's emotional well-being and development. Parental alienation can negatively impact a child in numerous ways, including but not limited to:
- It can lead to long-term psychological and emotional issues, including low self-esteem, depression, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life.
- It can cause the child to experience a range of harsh emotions, including conflicted loyalties, guilt, and a distorted sense of reality.
- It can
The best interests of the child always take precedence in custody matters. Thus, if the child is proven to be suffering because of the alienation, the court may make determinations or modifications favoring the targeted parent or recommend court-ordered interventions such as therapy or supervised visitation to repair the damaged relationship.
Realistic Estrangement & Its Impact on Custody
When determining custody, courts carefully consider the nature and quality of the parent-child relationship, as well as any allegations of abuse. In cases of realistic estrangement, where a child has distanced themselves from a parent due to legitimate concerns such as abuse or neglect, the court will thoroughly investigate these allegations. If substantiated, the court will prioritize the child's safety and emotional well-being in its custody decisions.
However, it is crucial to note that even in cases of realistic estrangement, children cannot unilaterally decide to miss court-ordered custody exchanges or visits, and a parent cannot allow realistic estrangement to interfere with a standing custody order, as this could be considered contempt of court.
Instead, if there are genuine concerns about the child's safety or well-being during visits with the other parent, the concerned parent should bring these issues to the court's attention and seek a formal modification of the custody order. The court will typically require substantial evidence of abuse or neglect before significantly restricting a parent's access to their child. If such evidence is presented, the court has the authority to modify custody arrangements to ensure the child's safety, potentially including supervised visitation or, in extreme cases, termination of parental rights.
Representing Clients in New Jersey & Pennsylvania Custody Cases
William Kirby Law, Family Law Attorneys can help you collect evidence and build a case proving realistic estrangement or parental alienation. Give us a call at (215) 515-9901 to request an initial consultation.